One Last Time to Be LATE!

It took me one final time to be late...AGAIN! I learned yesterday that time truly is of the essence and if I kept going the route that I was going, I will miss out on the most significant things, whatever they may be.

I was asked to be a featured panelist at my alma mater and I was excited! Couldn't wait! I shared the opportunity with family and friends and began to mentally prepare what I would present to the future audience. I listened to good music, spent time in meditation, all while sending my correspondent the necessary information to include within the agenda and media. I was ready! Beyond my excitement, I didn't know what I would face. I didn't know that I would be so majorly disappointed in myself that my life would change forever.

All my life, I've been pretty much late to everything. Unless someone else was the driver, I was late. Now that I have my own car, it has been worse getting a handle on my time. It began in childhood. I used to live right next-door to my elementary school, but was late every day. My teacher even mentioned, "Neely, you live two houses down from the school and you are late every day." I couldn't help it, I thought. I'm always late. It's ingrained in me.

As time progressed all the way through grad school, I realized that I also had a bad habit of procrastinating. I bragged to friends and others about how I "work better at the last minute" when really, I just had a bad habit of not valuing time. I would know well in advance about particular assignments and still wait until a day before or day of to complete them. Sometimes, I would work on assignments up until class had started and ended up being late for completing late work. My bad habit was consuming me. I worked hard and passed all classes, but I created a stressful experience all due to untimeliness and straight-up lateness. It made me want to rebel against being on time for anything.

The more time passed, the more opportunities came and stalled. Skill sets clashed with my procrastination and I would have all types of projects and goals unfinished. Lateness was plaguing my life. Now that I think of it, I have many tasks that I have not completed because of my problem. But all that was fixed yesterday.

Yesterday was the day of the amazing and wonderful panel discussion and I was stuck in traffic. 

The event began at 6:00pm sharp and I was still swirling and twirling in the streets looking for a parking ticket. I was on the college campus and students flooded the sidewalks. I cringed as I approached the unnerving stops signs, bitter that they had to to cross the street and I could not go around them. I was running way behind and they were in the way.

I darted my eyes at the clock on dashboard. Almost 6:35. I was livid. I hated myself for showing up and I wanted to speed back home and wrapped myself with covers and dissolve in guilt. But I managed to find parking and walked what felt like half a mile toward the building where the event was held. I clutched my book and notes with weak confidence and held my head high enough to see where I was going. Once I got inside, I wanted to turn around and go back out the door.

There was no way that I could be this late, I thought. I am way too late. 

I entered the room and eyes turned to me. The panelists were all lined up onstage, the presenter was speaking, the camera was rolling, and the other camera was flashing. I found a seat at a table in the back and sat quietly...

....I listened to the speakers speak...

...could barely look at them...

...I spotted an empty seat beside one of the panelists....

...that was my seat.

But I was too late.

I felt so much pain. I showed up 45 minutes after it had gotten started. I was much too late to scramble toward the panel to join everyone. I sat in the back feeling defeated. I wrote notes from the speakers. I wrote notes to myself. I felt like a failure. But that was the last day that lateness would be mys excuse. No more will I jack up an opportunity that is presented to me. I will be more humble and timely, moving forward. I promise to no longer struggle with procrastination or lateness. I dare myself to change forever, for that moment in time was earth-shattering for me. I learned yesterday that sometimes you have to learn the hard way. Sometimes you have to show up so late that you have to sit in the audience when you're really supposed to be sitting on the panel.