Many times, I want so badly to be in control. I like to orchestrate everything that goes on in my life, but as I mature and get older, I am learning that I can’t run everything.
When you go through life and mostly everyone favors your ideas….when you are Teacher’s Pet from elementary- to graduate school, when you are always chosen to be the group leader, line leader, and leader of pretty much everything else, it becomes ingrained in you to lead every other facet of your life. That’s how it has been with me. I was always everyone’s favorite because I believed in always doing the right things. I did not like to make anyone upset and I was gifted with the spirit of help and people love helpful, considerate people.
I am not complaining, but sometimes always being a leader can have its downsides. Sometimes, there is no room for leadership. Sometimes, one must be a follower. For many, it is easy to follow other people’s lead. For me, it is like a power struggle. I want to make all the decisions because all my life, I always have. I feel helpless when I cannot choose or decide. I clam up and freeze and become a statue when I cannot have my way. If I could waddle in the floor and scream, I would, but that it not suitable for a 31-year-old woman. So I just stand there and become cold and distant, grinding my molars and blinking hard. Something as simple as grocery shopping—which I consider to be a sacred time: If I am shopping with someone and we are sharing the food or expenses, I like to direct how we will shop. When I am told no or given another directive, I catch an attitude.
There is a scripture that applies to everything and the Bible includes many about anger and irritation:
This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. – James 1:19,20
Be ye angry , and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. – Ephesians 4:26,27
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1
So, if you are everybody’s favorite, if everyone always loves your ideas, if you love to lead and make all the decisions all the time, if you can relate to everything you’ve just read, keep in mind to have self-control. You will have times when you do not have the final say. If not already, you will have moments when everyone in the room will disagree with you despite what you think is a great idea.
Just trust that you are not blessed with a go-getter, assertive, proactive mindset for no reason. The Lord has blessed you with that spirit to add more color to the world. You are a light that cannot be darkened. Your commander-in-chief spirit has huge purpose, so do not be discouraged. The Lord did not create you to rule everything (or me either). As leaders, we are to be responsible with our power. We are to consult with God about everything.
COMMIT TO THE LORD WHATEVER YOU DO, AND HE WILL ESTABLISH YOUR PLANS. – PROVERBS 16:3
Be encouraged and never give up, fellow salt and light. Keep progressing. Stay humble.
13 Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
– Matthew 5:13-16
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