It took my entire family like a storm. My mother had Stage 4 lung cancer. We were stumped. Did this mean “the end”? Were we all about to become depressed? Who would be in charge of taking care of mom? What’s next? Who’s going to help? What do we need to do? How does this “cancer thing” work? Along with devastation, many questions swarmed through my head, but I did not have time to waddle in distress. I immediately ran to God for guidance and direction through prayer, quiet time, and meditation. Especially after finding that I would be the primary caregiver of my mother. That meant that she would be moving into my apartment, into my bedroom, and into my space. My life would change forever-and fast.
I have become much more mature than I have ever been since becoming my mother’s caregiver. I told my mom that I was clueless about how to take care of her. I didn’t know what to do! I can recall having both her and my niece in the car one day. My niece was asleep in her car seat on one side of the car and my mother was on the other side, slumped over in pain and agony. We were headed to various locations that I thought would be helpful to her. One place was the chiropractor, since my mother complained of back pain and the other was the hospital, so that we could figure out what her overall sickness and nausea stemmed from. I drove down the highway listening to my mother heave and groan and I said in my heart, “Lord! How do I take care of my sick mother and niece? I don’t know what to do!” I was stressed.
Fast-forward, the Lord has provided me with guidance since that day and my family and others wonder how I can be so strong. I am strong because God is strong. I am able to keep my emotions together [most times] because “the joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). I can stay encouraged because “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). My spirit is encouraged because Jesus promised that He would send a Comforter. In John 14:16-17, He said,
16 AND I WILL PRAY THE FATHER, AND HE SHALL GIVE YOU ANOTHER COMFORTER, THAT HE MAY ABIDE WITH YOU FOR EVER; 17 EVEN THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH; WHOM THE WORLD CANNOT RECEIVE, BECAUSE IT SEETH HIM NOT, NEITHER KNOWETH HIM: BUT YE KNOW HIM; FOR HE DWELLETH WITH YOU, AND SHALL BE IN YOU.
I find great peace in studying God’s word because it is the only thing that gives me hope. Reading the Bible has strengthened me in a deep way, which is through my spirit. I admit that I have broken down and cried many times. I have had to pull over and park away from my apartment to spend crying time with God, but in my crying I was strengthened. This experience has fortified my soul.
It has been four months since my mother’s late-stage diagnosis and it has been an uphill battle. I am learning that it is okay to be upset, as long as I do not sin. God’s word says, “Be angry but sin not.” I admit that I have gone overboard with my frustration in some ways, but it is never to make matters worse. I found great value in venting and confiding in a few people who are willing to listen and actually care. I realize that everything we go through is not only for ourselves, but for others. We are all given assignments and as someone told me, they will give us “jewels for our crowns in heaven.”
I can now relate to other caregivers when they discuss how they cared for sick relatives. I never knew that it could be so tough. I thought it would be easy, but it’s far from that. Literally, I have to cater to everything my mother likes, dislikes, and wants. Whatever I didn’t know, I am learning. Whatever I didn’t see, I am doing. Whatever she feels, I am feeling. Whatever she thinks, I am wondering. This is the person who did everything for me and my family to keep us happy. Now I have to return the same favor-if not more-to ensure that I honor her as God instructs children to do for their parents. It can be a nightmare catering to someone else’s every need outside your own. Especially when you struggle with your own personal issues.
I said in a Facebook post,
“SOMETIMES WHEN MY PRIDE GETS IN THE WAY OF COMPASSION, I FEEL LIKE I’M WALKING THROUGH PUDDING.”
Pride MUST be put to the side when caring for a relative. It does no good for you or the one you care for. Be confident in the Lord’s promises. Jesus said that He would never leave us nor forsake us. In another passage, He said who ensure til the end shall be saved.
Stand strong, care givers. Stay humble. Stay loving. If ever you need to know if what you do is in line with what what God wants you to do, remember this in 1 Corinthians:
4 CHARITY SUFFERETH LONG, AND IS KIND; CHARITY ENVIETH NOT; CHARITY VAUNTETH NOT ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP,
5 DOTH NOT BEHAVE ITSELF UNSEEMLY, SEEKETH NOT HER OWN, IS NOT EASILY PROVOKED, THINKETH NO EVIL;
6 REJOICETH NOT IN INIQUITY, BUT REJOICETH IN THE TRUTH;
7 BEARETH ALL THINGS, BELIEVETH ALL THINGS, HOPETH ALL THINGS, ENDURETH ALL THINGS.
Be blessed.
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